21 – an old norcal birthday

Today was a good birthday party – friends, food, and bocce ball.  And it was good to have so many old friends there too.  In a year where I’ve felt so new and unknown it was great to have 4 friends there that I’ve known since college.  And new friends too!

A couple nights ago I remembered this isn’t my first birthday celebration in Northern California.  I celebrated my 21st birthday here, visiting friends before heading out on my 2nd trip to XJ.  We went to dinner at Chevy’s ‘fresh-mex’ where they give you a sombrero if it’s your birthday.

I’m surprised that I’ve had about the same haircut since then.  🙂  I miss that old denim shirt.  I’ve been trying to remember what that Sabrina thought life would be like.

I had just graduated from Rice the month before, and would start working in Information Technology right after the China trip.  I was wrestling with whether I might ever be able to join InterVarsity staff. That mission trip felt like a consolation prize. While many of my friends went ahead into full-time ministry, I felt like I was headed into the wilderness.

And at times it was wilderness – in the transforming and painful ways that wilderness works.  We don’t get maps for life (at least not accurate ones).  Som-brina (tm KC) had no idea what was ahead – what the next 12 years would hold.  The adventures, heartaches, friendships, conflicts, medical scares, joys, travels, and heartbreaks.  The money and power, and later feeling poor and powerless.  The excitement of new ministries and planting a new church.  Ordination!  The sadness at leaving.  And new adventures in California!

I’m glad she didn’t know.*

This is how it works

You’re young until you’re not
You love until you don’t
You try until you can’t
You laugh until you cry
You cry until you laugh
And everyone must breathe
Until their dying breath

-r. spektor (from the album ‘begin to hope’)

*By the grace of God, I can say that in hindsight about the past journey.  But in the present I often still want the map.

One thought on “21 – an old norcal birthday

  1. filkinsm

    oh this is just wonderful. miss spektor rarely misses the mark, eh? your creator has the map, and i am there with ya sometimes on wanting a peek. *sigh*


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