“Great, I got that ‘excited/scared’ feeling. Like 98% excited, 2% scared. Or maybe it’s more – It could be two – it could be 98% scared, 2% excited but that’s what makes it so intense, it’s so – confused. I can’t really figure it out.”
I like to quote Oscar a lot (points for anyone who can name the movie) – and did back in 1999 when I was headed to an InterVarsity Global Project for the second time. I was excited because I knew how good the trip could be, and how I would be shaped and transformed by God. But I was also scared, because I knew how hard it could be too. And it is all mixed up together!
I’ve been living in that a lot these last few days as I head out for a 5 week trip to Hong Kong. I’ve never been there without the rest of my immediate family. I’m so glad that my dad is coming for 12 days, but I will have lots of days without him too. I’m excited about connecting with extended family, but nervous too that it will be awkward, etc. I saw them 3 years ago, but before that, the last time I saw them was when I was 13. Yeahhh… Mom and I watched some of the home videos of that trip recently – I was looking glamorous, I tell ya.
It will feel limiting to not be able to express myself fully – my Cantonese could use a LOT of work. It’s hard to crack jokes in another language, and I’m sure I’ll feel stupid a lot in the day to day interactions with strangers who assume I should be fluent.
But I’m getting excited too – for time with family, time with God, time to write… Being away from my friends and community here will be hard, but also creates space for new adventures with God. Gotta try and remember that when I’m feeling lonely. I’ll spend a few days in a retreat of silence at a really cool retreat center. I’ll be sure and post lots of pictures to the blog.
As a total side-note, I had thought that I wouldn’t see snow this winter, because it certainly won’t snow in HK, and I won’t be in VA for Christmas. But crazily enough – it’s snowing outside! That, and it was 79 degrees this morning!
Just a little more packing to do, and then, off to sleep. It will be a very long day of travel!