Friday August 20, 2004

discipline
I want too many things.  I feel the pull of wanting to be in Virginia with Tiffanie during the not-so-fun hospital visits.  Good food, good company, and my family there, too.  Sometimes (weirdly) it’s wanting to be back at AIM Funds doing computer networking – hardware generally does what you tell it to do and there are fun problems to solve.  Plus, the perks of a 31 floor office building with free soda machines on every floor and an obscenely high salary. 

Escape might come in places I’ve never really lived – Oakland, London, Boston, Hawaii, NYC, to name a few.   I get the itch to be doing other things – writing, music, art, flag football, computer networking, seminary/grad/law school, or just reading for a long, long time.

Other times it’s Manila or Xinjiang, places that hold parts of my heart.  Beaming children, beautiful deserts, beaches, and mountains, and memories of things God did in me there.  At times it feels strange to live here in my house with my own room and so much more than I need, while so many there have so little.  How does what I do now connect with what I learned and saw then?

But I know I’m supposed to be where I am right now – working with teams of college students – eating pizza when I wish I had salad, staying up way too late on IM, and working in a job most of my peers don’t understand.  I get to help students wrestle with issues of justice, identity, redemption, and hope.  And I wrestle myself. 

Being content is a discipline.  The many options and dreams I have are a luxury.  Committing myself to where I am, while still caring about places all over the world is a tricky balance, but I’m thankful for the richness it brings me even though my heart hurts at times.  Thanks for the richness, help me to steward it well.

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11 thoughts on “Friday August 20, 2004

  1. Laffffalot

    “hardware generally does what you tell it to do”

    hmm.. I might have to disagree with you there…haha.. but I get your meaning πŸ™‚ 

    are you back in austin yet?  let’s hang out! oh, and I wanna read your essay but I didn’t see it posted in the webgroup.

    Reply
  2. wangdada

    “Committing myself to where I am, while still caring about places all over the world is a tricky balance, but I’m thankful for the richness it brings me even though my heart hurts at times. “

    Amen sista.

    Reply
  3. shue

    i just went thru ur entire xanga to find all the books u’ve been reading because the Plano Library system rocks kAKAkA ^_^ all i have to do is show up. ^_^ keep postin’ please πŸ™‚

    Reply

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